“I forgot to tell you, Lucy is coming over,” he said, quickly ducking out the door before I could respond.
There were a few blissful moments between hearing those words and piecing them together. It was as if, my ears, hearing such impending doom, decided to delay their report to the central nervous system just to double check their findings. They did not, on the whole, wish to raise a false alarm and cause a heart attack.
However, the meaning of my friend’s words became clear a few seconds after he shut the door.
“Lucy is coming,” I mumbled as a cold sweat broke across my brow. “So this is how it ends,” I said solemnly to my cereal. The cereal was unimpressed.
Then, like light in the darkness, I had an idea.
“I’ll have an accident!” I declared, shooting up from the table. “Nothing too dramatic.” My eyes scanned the kitchen. Nothing needed fixing, certainly nothing that would maim me. I glanced over at the disposal, but I knew it was in perfect working order. She’d see through that, if I just stuck my hand in a running disposal. Not even I’m that stupid. I’d need something else.
Then I remembered the gutters. Gutters! what wonderful things. They always need cleaning, which involves ladders and, I prayed, sudden falls. Leaving my unsympathetic cereal to waste away into a milky slob, I rushed outside.
Tale Told 