I Saw

I saw, all in a moment, not what was, but in a sense, what ought to be. I should, if I were more sensible—perhaps I should have wept or laughed, but I was dumb. I’ve been working a construction job. It’s not what I want to be doing with my life, but it pays better than any job I’ve ever had and hopefully will allow me to finance my self-publishing goals. The other day I had, as it were, a hint of what men could be. I don’t know how to describe it; it was as if I saw each person, not as they were but as themselves, like God had allowed me a glimpse of what they were each intended to be. Kings and gods, His image, idiosyncratic reflections of a perfect light, each one a spark of the divine fire showcasing God’s handiwork. I was awed, but I wasn’t seeing it, not really. I saw only its shadow. It was what each man could be but wasn’t, and the despair of that chasm is too great to bear. As I said, awe prevailed. I saw both the great triumph and tragedy of man all in a moment, one pulling me toward agonizing joy, the other the despair of an inconsolable loss. They were both emotions too great for me, especially at the end of a hard day’s work.